And now, for something completely different.

To: Thomas Lannom
via email attachment to: thomas.lannom@portlandoregon.gov
From: J-P Voillequé, jvoilleque@gmail.com
January 26, 2012

Mr. Lannom -
I am writing to provide feedback on the report you intend to provide to the City Council on the Downtown Business District in February (PDF). As a condo resident within the current dimensions of the BID, I am extremely disappointed by the contents of that report.

As expected, the report on the focus groups held by Gallatin was severely truncated and over-simplified. This “community involvement” exercise was clearly a formality. Several residents of the Portland Plaza, Fountain Plaza, Old Town Lofts, the Harrison, and other condominiums within the current boundaries provided substantial and articulate critiques of the current fee formula, the service provided by Clean and Safe, and the need for change not just in the way that the fee is assessed but in the service model of the entire program. Many residents in our building stated that Clean and Safe had zero impact on the quality of life of the building. More than one resident reported having interactions with Clean and Safe that were negative. The most obvious example was calling the police to halt a graffiti remediation that was occurring after hours on a weekday, directly and noisily across from our building. While I understand that your job was to review the fee formula and proposed expansion, I do not think that the above was adequately “summarized” into point 2 under “Fee Formula Themes.”

It is apparent that some of the service model discussion was taken into account in points 3 and 4 of the “Expansion Themes:”

3. Many people said they already pay for police and cleaning services through their property taxes and home owner’s association (HOA) fees used for privately contracted services. They should not have to pay a “third time” through a District assessment.
4. Many people said the very name of the City Code – “Downtown Business District” – points to the true intent and beneficiaries of District services. Many said the Code language no longer reflects the true makeup of the District.

This is a misrepresentation of a key part of our complaint. It is not that we have our own cleaning and security. (Well, it is not only that.) Nor is it that the name of the program is not an accurate representation of the district itself. The point is that this is a program designed to support business – particularly small business – in the downtown core. The services, the processes, and the vast majority of Clean and Safe’s time are all devoted to the creation of an attractive and secure shopping environment. As residents, we understand that this provides value to us, and we appreciate it. On balance, it is my opinion that a majority of our residents would be willing to fund such a program. However, “having a nice neighborhood” does not square with the fee that we are paying, nor does Clean and Safe make any provision for residential services that do not happen to conform with the current model of supporting retail establishments, restaurants and hotels.

Mr. Lannom, I know you attended all of these focus groups. I know that you took your own notes. Having heard stories about two of the focus groups, and attending the third myself, I would not place Gallatin in charge of a vote on the cutest Teletubby, let alone a policy recommendation of this magnitude. Their findings ignore the complexity of the situation in favor of bullet points, and they actively misstate the feedback that was provided.

All of this is by way of reaching my actual point, which regards your first “housekeeping” suggestion:

Change the name of the Downtown Business District to the Clean and Safe District throughout the code and identify the district as an “enhanced services district” instead of a business district.

If I were a third party to the conversation, I would agree that this makes sense. As a resident, however, this carries the distinct aroma of whitewash. The Council can name it the “Fund for Homeless Ponies and Other Totally Awesome Stuff that is not at all Unfair to Condo Residents.” The objections above will remain 100% true. Again, I understand that this is outside the scope of the Council’s request to the Revenue Board, and you can take this paragraph as aiming at the broader policy and not your objectively excellent recommendation that the code be consistent, clear, and descriptive. I merely point out that the marketing value of “Clean and Safe District” is substantially diminished by the reality for homeowners.

Finally, regarding your proposed alterations to the fee formula, we are one of the highest-paying condominiums in the current district. As I’m sure you are tired of hearing, some condos (ours included) pay more than Macy’s and Nordstrom. I’ll grant that changing the fee formula to “square foot only” may be “regressive” as it applies to condos. I defy you to characterize any calculation that charges residents more than the biggest retailers in downtown for a program that caters to downtown retailers as “progressive.” In addition, our building has lived through a number of foreclosures in the past year. We have lost neighbors, friends, and Board members to the mortgage crisis. We have assessed our residents over $2,000,000.00 in the past three years for a new roof and curtain wall for the building. I think “ability to pay” is probably different now than it was then.

Humbly yours,
/s/ J-P Voillequé
Chair, Portland Plaza Unit Owners Association Board of Directors

John Metta is at War with America.

It’s true. Have you seen his Twitter profile? Seemingly innocent… Continue Reading…

The Internet is a Slow Cooker Poised Over a Bathtub Full of Crocosaurs

I don’t actually have more to say about the Paul Christoforo debacle than the title. But as top man Wil Wheaton pointed out, the reaction has been both swift and pithy as all get out. In a way, this is the most elegant rebuke I have ever seen on the internet, and it emphasizes the sheer elegance with which the Sword of muh-fuggin’ DAMOCLES can descend upon your gentle pate.

The Internet is a Slow Cooker…

Content is king, it really is. The loving and persistent production of content will reap rewards, assuming that A) you are good at it and B) there is a public that wants to consume such content. A lot of people don’t realize that you need both. If you’re going to write about books but the best you can do is “i like books they r good speshly ones i steal,” you are missing part A. If you are, ahem, an articulate and well-read scribe, a writer who other writers secretly hate, the person who revolutionized the art of writing about buttons with three holes instead of the more usual two or four, I salute you. You are a genius with no public (part B).

If however, you are like my Uncle Kit, then at some point in the future the amazing writing will conjoin with the public that is seeking such writing and they will make sweet Internet love. It will not be a big deal – he’s not going to be profiled on Oprah or anything – but content will meet readers who care and it will be a good thing. Not all remuneration is money. The Internet (and specifically, the blogosphere and its substrates) provides a home for such unions, whether they happen immediately or not so immediately.

I will pause to mention that Ocean Marketing, Inc. (not to be confused with the fine UK firm) is clearly a splog, and not even a well-maintained one. Slow cookers can cook meth as easily as delicious pulled pork.

…Poised Over a Bathtub Full of Crocosaurs

The Internet is a mechanism of crazy, geeky street justice. This is not a bad thing (although the level of vitriol is anti-discourse). Remember Revenge of the Nerds? If you’re Cook’s Source, or Ocean Marketing Inc., or GoDaddy, you wake up one morning cast in the role of the villain in a live-action roleplay event called “The Internet Goes Apeshit Over Some Gaffe You Committed.” It can’t be fun. I won’t go so far as to argue that it is undeserved. It just is. It is a thing that happens.

Like I said, I don’t really have a point. Except to suggest that you try your best not to be an idiot.

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